It was actually pretty early of an age when I first became aware about body image and eating-related struggles, an exposure that is probably due to my identity as a dancer. In that environment, conversations about body weight and body types are conventional and normalized. When I look back now, I am not surprised how one of my dance friends was diagnosed with an eating disorder under the intense and constant pressure to be thin.

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For quite a long time, this topic had stayed at the back of my mind—always present, but unspoken. Until I began to experience the struggle myself after moving to a new place and gained 15 pounds. As a dancer, the number was extremely significant. Hence, I stepped into my weight-loss journey in order to refit in the dancer identity, not knowing how ‘addictive’ it would become. What started as a desire to just get back to how my body was before slowly became a much harder relationship with food and my body.

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Consequences that I didn’t expect struck me and impacted the way of my life in many forms. Difficulty concentrating in classes meant I had to put more effort in self studyings, physical effects like severe hair loss, and a growing sense of emotional instability. My mood became lower, and things that once felt simple such as socializing with my friends became overwhelming. The only relationship that wasn’t impacted was the relationship between me and my mother. It was also my mother’s concern—her worry and care—that made me realize how far it had reached, not just for my body, but for the people who care about me too.

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That experience changed how I see this issue. I realized how easily it can grow quietly, and how deeply it can affect both mental and physical wellbeing, often under the influence of unrealistic body ideals.

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This project originated with that realization. In addition to the thin-ideal that always lingered in the dance world, dieting, calories tracking, and discussing one's body have been normalized over past decades in the general public, especially among women, causing many emotional distresses and unhealthy relationships with their bodies. I want to make a space that can support individuals who are undergoing something similar, a support similar to my mom’s—unconditioned, loved and understanding.